Don't Talk To Me Like That
I run into a lot of teachable moments in my line of work. Making pornographic content for a primarily male audience has plenty of ups and downs, and for the most part I try to assume that when a man is speaking to me in a way I find upsetting it's because he simply doesn't know better.
A lot of my early content was Fsub - that is to say, the male listener was in control and my character was seeking to please him. When I was first starting out and still learning how to navigate interactions with the people who consumed my content, I would have no idea how to react when a man sent me a message out of nowhere telling me I was going to obey him, that only he knew what a "slut like me" needed. After I made my very first post to a major audio porn subreddit, I actually had someone DM me an audio of them masturbating, telling me I was a born slut through and through.
See, in the right circumstances, language like that would have me ruining my panties in anticipation of being fucked. When it comes from some faceless stranger who decides he knows me because of what I said in an audio and sends me an mp3 of himself beating his cock like it owes him money? Then it's not sexy at all.
I've been making audio porn for just over two years now, so I'm pretty unflappable when it comes to what people will say to me over the internet. The severity varies based on whatever type of content I've recently posted - especially if it's something taboo, like an incest fantasy. While I certainly don't appreciate people dumping their kinks on me, it isn't the lewd and graphic comments and interactions that bother me.
It's the ones where people behave as if they've completely forgotten they're speaking to a human being who is also a stranger. My job is literally building fantasies. I say and do plenty of things in audio form that I have no interest in doing in real life, just as I also say and do plenty of things that I would. The only things you really know about me are whatever I choose to share, and for the most part I would rather you not really know me at all - I'm aiming to create immersive experiences and wouldn't want Audi the person to take away from Audi the Harlot. Some people capitalize on using their personal experiences to take advantage of the inevitable parasocial relationships that can form between creators and consumers of intimate content. I don't want to do that. I would rather you keep in mind that you're falling for a character, of course, but I would also ask that you bear in mind there's a person behind that character. Even if you don't really know me, I'm deserving of basic respect.
I've had people tag other performers in my script fill posts because they'd rather hear someone else's take on it. I've had people come into my NSFW livestreams and start talking about how great other people's livestreams are. I've even had other performers come into voice chats in my server just to talk about their own projects and process and the other people in the chat were hanging on their every word. At the time, I didn't know how to gently but assertively stand up for myself. I didn't know how to effectively communicate with people to let them know how I felt and to give them an opportunity to realize they were being rude to me. I don't believe any of these things happened out of malice, I think the facelessness of internet interactions has made it so that people don't face immediate consequences or confrontation for their behavior and so they lack awareness of their impact.
It reminds me of the time a fellow audio creator replied to one of my tweets by saying it must be hard for me to talk with his dick in my mouth. I knew of this creator, he had a pretty successful podcast where he interviewed other performers on Reddit, but we had never interacted. I found his reply and subsequent behavior completely abhorrent. Someone who also does the same work I do didn't see me as a human being long enough to rethink objectifying me that way when we didn't know each other.
Making sexual content doesn't mean a person deserves to be treated as a sexual object. We work very hard to make good, sexy audios and help listeners explore their sexuality, relax after a hard day, and find some comfort if they're feeling lonely. Orgasms are awesome and we shouldn't be ashamed of creating content that helps folks get off in an ethically sound, immersive way. And if all we're asking for in return is a little bit of decency, I don't think that's a lot.